Blog #8

     I regret dropping out of college sixteen years ago on my quest to obtain my certified nursing assistant license paid for by my parents.  As I read the article “Confessions of a Quit Addict,” by Barbara Graham,  Barbara too dropped out of college.  That was her first time feeling “the rush of quitting, the instant high of cutting loose, the biochemical buzz of burning my bridges” that I could relate and that reminded me of myself.  I quit at college, lived on the edge, and dangling choices in the direction the wind decided to blow in from on any given day.  The constant flutter of roaring freeness jolting through my veins.  How could I possibly stay? I had to quit.  I burned my parents trust.  David Brooks’s talks about how kids should stop “finding themselves” and start “losing themselves.”  I was who my parents wanted me to be, but it did not take long to realize I was losing who I thought I was and finding a future with many obstacles and trials.  Barbara Graham article said it best “When one jumps over the edge, one is bound to land somewhere” and where I landed was hard and fast.  I landed in another state, far from my loved ones and the constant pressure of College and success.  I finally felt “free from the responsibilities and relationships that had dragged me down.”  I could breathe again.  Like David said I was “searching for a role” and that role left me believing in myself.  After being a part of family and friends, I decided to come back to Texas and finish what I started many years ago.  I hated how I quit and took the easy way out.  The pattern of my life played out in a smoking image of Barbara life. “Living in one place, dreaming of another, working at odd jobs, earning just enough to get to the next destination.”  I failed countless times, and I was tired of running from myself.  I needed to feel home again, a place where I felt I belonged and to build and mend the gap bridges I once knocked down in my search to “reinvent myself.”  I learned that walking away was much easier than facing my failures, but no one teaches you all you need to know about life and just how hard and cruel it is.  It takes more than just hard work to be successful.  “Life will eventually have its way with us and end up quitting us,” but before it does let me enjoy the ride.